When your ex is dating your friend

It's never OK to date your friend's ex – and this is why Dating their ex undermines the latter two, bringing a sense of betrayal I personally.
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It's easy to say that if they had done things this way, or that way, it would hurt less, but in my experience it doesn't.

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Having been in the others roles of this situation, I can tell you that they didn't do that to you. They most likely got together the way most couples do, and that didn't really have anything to do with you. They're not dating to hurt you, they're dating because they like each other. My issue is that given our history, I have no idea what my appropriate attitude should be towards them and how to interact with them when it comes to it.

What would be a mature way to handle it, without me looking like a beaten dog? I know that's hard to hear right now, I hated hearing it too, and I hated saying it more. Realistically it's all you can do if you want to have any sort of peaceful relationship with these people. Also, being happy for them and moving on shows that you're not a "beaten dog" It shows that you're strong enough to not let this stuff get to you. It takes a lot of strength to carry on after a hard breakup, and it's better try to do it gracefully. Being happy for them shows that you're confident, and ok with your self as much as it says that you're ok with them.

One of the key ingredients in any healthy relationship be it business, friendship, or romance, is Trust. When your friend violated the ideal that you listed he destroyed your trust in him. This is extremely damaging to a relationship. If these two had been honest and had wanted to not betray you they would have A told you they were going to date each other.

B she would have broken up with you before sleeping with someone else. I have to applaud your forgiving attitude towards your girlfriends initially. It takes a lot of effort and courage to forgive betrayals like you suffered. I'm sorry that you are going through this.

What To Do When Your Friend Starts Dating Your Ex

Don't hang out with either of them. If they show up at a party, just say hi and go find someone else to talk too. Don't invite them to anything you plan. If any one asks why you are treating them this way tell them something along the lines of, "They betrayed my trust. I will be polite to them, But I have no desire to be around them. Try this on for size. You are presuming that Mike owed you some sort of interaction about this, and you are disappointed you didn't get it.

Ok, now you also call yourself an introvert. If the shoe were on the other foot, and you were dating Mike's ex, would it have occurred to you that you owed Mike a conversation? Ok, if it did Would you feel eager to have that conversation? Maybe Mike or Jane is going through that. If there's tension in the room, it maybe ain't just yours. Or for that matter, they could have tension you do not. Some of the tension might be imagined worry over what the other might think. You can look to the past and count all the ways your feelings hurt.

Or you can look to the future and decide what kind of relationship you'd like to have with them going forward. The clearer and more self-true you are on this, the better it will work. And then you can outreach them and figure out where they're at. It may be they are relieved to know that what they presumed to be a problem for you is in fact not.

5 Reasons Not To Be Friends With Your Ex

Also, cut your ex some slack. It's hard to navigate them well even when both of you have the best character and intentions. It's the human condition but it doesn't define our choices. Thank you for your interest in this question. Because it has attracted low-quality or spam answers that had to be removed, posting an answer now requires 10 reputation on this site the association bonus does not count. Would you like to answer one of these unanswered questions instead?

Home Questions Tags Users Unanswered. How to interact with a friend dating my ex-girlfriend when we hang out?

So your friend just started dating your ex. Here's how to deal - HelloGiggles

Background Jane and I belonged to the same group of friends since childhood. Problem Her dating Mike, in fact, did not surprise me that much. I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because we cannot give relationship advice. Questions at IPS require a goal we can address within the context of interpersonal skills.

Thanks Betch

First of all, please narrow this down to 1 question, so the extra questions bit has to go. What exactly is your goal here? Why are you asking us, and what are you asking us for help with? Do you want to have a frank talk with Mike about not telling you, so that hopefully things are talked out before you ever have to interact with both of them? Do you want to 'act normally' which we can't answer since we don't know what's normal for you? Tinkeringbell I edited out the extra question. What I want is to keep my friends including Mike and basically not address the fact of them dating.

Dealing with related issues myself, so my heart really goes out to you, but like the above comments - you have to figure out what you want to do first, and then we can help you figure out how. Can you talk it out and remain friends, or do you have to endure a romantic breakup AND friendship breakup at once?

No matter what, you need to try and have a discussion with your friend. Alternatively, maybe this is a friendship that you need to let go of. Tell her how it makes you feel. You deserve to be heard, but so does she. Whether you decide to stay connected to your friend or cut them loose, distance is the only thing that will help make you feel better.

If you want to stay friends, take a temporary but hard break. That means no Facebook stalking, no texting, and no Twitter creeping. Chances are, things are going to get awkward with your mutual friends. You need time to be upset. While a good chunk of my friends were supportive and there for me, my other friends were eager for me to get over it.

Allow yourself the time to be upset and grieve.


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Explain that you may be distant until you can fully get over your negative feelings. Hear out what they have to say before jumping to conclusions. Be honest with your friend. It's okay to tell your friend how you feel. If you wish that you'd had a heads up about the relationship, it's okay to tell them that. If you feel angry or betrayed, make sure that your friend knows but make sure not to lose your cool.

An honest conversation will make you feel better and give them a better understanding of where you stand. I'm still not over him. Ask your friend to avoid talking about the relationship around you. Speak to your friend and ask them to avoid talking about their new relationship if possible. This may help you maintain the friendship and could make you feel better about the situation.

1. Ask for Respect

Would you mind avoiding talking about her for right now? If you get over the past relationship, you can say something like "Remember when I said I didn't want to talk about John? I'm over it now, so if you want to talk about him, I don't mind. Let your friend know that you still value your friendship, you just need a little time and distance to heal and process your feelings. It also destroys the potential for your friend and ex to create a good relationship and find happiness.

Resist the temptation to badmouth your ex.

If you find out that your friend is dating your ex, you might feel the urge to dish the dirt on your ex or sabotage the relationship. Ultimately, however, this could just end up damaging your relationship with your friend. Ask yourself whether sharing this information will accomplish anything positive. Allow yourself to feel angry or sad at first.